Meant to be
by xXMarmiteluverXx
Summary: Set after the episode shown end of June 2010. What if things had turned out differently when Jay raced through Holby in an attempt to stop Ruth marrying? Is there a chance they can once again be together? Short exploration of what could have been. Plz R


Ok so i haven't made any of these characters, we owe them to the wonderful bbc :)

I just love casualty so hope i've done it justice - i thought it was so sad that Jay's hope was destroyed in the episode where Ruth got married so here is my present to him...

Please r&r as is my first fanfic xxx

Jay hurtled through the doors and stopped, out of breath in the foyer. He straightened up and looked desperately around for any sign of Ruth. He spotted her, dressed in white, an image of beauty standing nervously at the top of the stone staircase, alone.

'Ruth! Wait! Hold on just one second you have to stop…'

The words came out in a torrent, echoing across the stone-floored hall, Jay still gasping after his panicked race against time across Holby. Nevertheless, she heard. Her head turned as her eyes scanned for the source of his voice, halting as she saw him standing right in the middle of the floor, still in his blue scrubs and zip-top.

'Jay…what?'

She descended the stairs, shortening the distance between them. Jay moved to meet her a few steps from the bottom.

'Why are you here? How did you…'

An uncomfortable expression crept onto her face, her cheeks slightly flushed. Jay rushed to explain.

'I couldn't let this happen. Not once I knew. It's…well…you're about to make the biggest mistake of your life.'

Her face was once again a mask – unreadable. Jay persevered.

'Come on Ruth, you know it. Just…just call this off, right?'

He stepped closer, now at eyelevel with her. She didn't back away but her expression was still unyielding.

'Jay, I…you can't be here. You can't change this'

'Ruth babe, just hear me out. I can't let you do this. It's all wrong. You matter too much to throw yourself away like this.'

Her eyes set an almost icy stare into his. He was taken aback.

'So, what about earlier? I was trying to be nice, trying to make amends for…for what I did to you. Why didn't you seem to care _then_? Why now? When it's too late?'

Jay's heart stopped.

'You haven't…not already…'

'No.'

He came thudding back into reality.

'Then there's still time.'

'I'm getting married. He's great for me, perfect. We just, fit.'

'But do you love him, Ruth? I'm sorry about earlier, I really am. I…just haven't been myself today. But the past month, I've tried to let you know, tried to talk, to tell you I forgive you. I just…haven't been able to get you alone.'

'What do you mean, not yourself? Your work certainly didn't suffer as a result, you picked up on the…'

Jay cut in.

'Ruth, my work had nothing to do with it, ok. I was involved in that trial - needed some extra cash. Jordan told me this morning and I've been waiting for the results all day.'

'So…you…'

'I'm fine, took the placebo. But you're avoiding my question.'

Ruth shifted uncomfortably.

'Course I love him, I'm marrying him aren't I?'

'See, that's what I don't buy. I know somewhere in your heart there's still a place for me. We could be so happy. I love you babe and I just can't lose you.'

Jay looked beseechingly into her eyes, desperation pouring from him. Ruth stood frozen, a couple of stairs above him, her flowers held loosely at her side, momentarily motionless.

'Ruth, are you ready? It's time now.'

The voice seemed distant and insignificant from their position on the stairs.

'Ruth?'

Closer now. A tall, good looking man in his early thirties appeared at the top of the staircase.

'Ruth, who is this? We've got to go in now, our time…'

His voice was unsuspecting, completely unaware of the nature of their conversation. Ruth's voice came back.

'Can you wait a minute?'

'But…'

'Excuse me please, both of you, just…I'll be back in a second.'

The two men stood stunned as Ruth brushed past Jay, rushing down the side of the hall to the Ladies. Neither said a word. They just stopped.

xXx

In the bathroom Ruth faced herself in the poorly lit mirror. It was all too much. Her shaking hands dropped her small bouquet onto the countertop next to one of the sinks, the flowers drooping gracefully over the edge of the ceramic edge of one basin. She took a few measured breaths, attempting to compose herself before surrendering herself to the tears inside. She saw her confused emotions as a weakness. She had thought she was over Jay. After he had found out about the abortion, his reaction…she had thought he was over her too. Evidently both had been fighting loosing battles.

'Ruth, control yourself'

Her muttered instruction seemed to bring more focus and she wiped her eyes, breathing deeply. She was lost. She couldn't see the way forward. She couldn't marry Edward now, not now she knew she still had feelings for Jay. Yet she couldn't just drop Edward. Marriage was a commitment she had agreed to. Though she hadn't gone through with it yet, she couldn't bring herself to let him down in that way, she would never forgive herself. She was torn.

She looked down despairingly at the sink. The small blue bud picked earlier that day had fallen from the bunch and now rested neatly next to the plug hole.

'Something blue.'

The memory of the old saying brought to mind the unwitting part Jay had already played in her marriage plans for today. She took out the purple key ring she had borrowed from him earlier, bringing its small form up to her lips. Where her head could see no way forward, her heart knew which path to follow. Still gripping the key ring in her right hand and leaving behind her flowers, she made her way steadily back to the two men, as if hypnotised.

xXx

They hadn't moved. Jay still stood, half turned part way up the staircase and Edward lurked somewhere near the top step. He was the first to respond to her reappearance.

'Ruth, what's wrong. It's ok, I'm here for you.'

He moved swiftly down the steps to meet her, reaching Jay before she could reply.

'Edward, wait, I…I can't…'

'You don't need to worry. I'll always be here…what happened to your flowers?'

Ruth looked warily at Jay, who had now fully turned to face her but hadn't responded yet. He looked utterly desperate. She turned back to her fiancé.

'E…Edward. I know how this looks. I really don't want to hurt you. I. It's just…'

Ruth Winters lost for words, she thought to herself. Always so much to say for herself, so much to express, but when it really matters…nothing.

'I'm sorry'

Her words sounded so pathetic to her she almost groaned. Edward's face had fallen.

'I…I don't understand. Why?'

She knew his meaning was not literal. That part was clear enough to any spectator.

'I can't. It's not that I don't love you. It's not that simple. Jay and I, we've been through so much, I thought. I didn't even suspect, until now. I'd thought our chance had passed. I know you can never understand, but…'

'Oh'

Ruth didn't have the chance to explain any further. Jay came rushing towards her, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds. He wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug, tight as he dared, as if he would never let her go. His deep intake of breath brought back to him the sweet fragrance of her perfume. When he finally loosened his hold on her and they both stepped back, still holding hands, there were the beginnings of tears in his eyes.

'You and me babe. Ruth and Jay, against the world.'

Ruth's reply came almost choked with tears as they embraced again.

'Yeah…against the world'

So...

i hope you enjoyed it!

xXx


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